How do you know if “Mr. Right Now”, is your perfect Valentine for the rest of your life?  If you are a single girl, not yet married with a passion for Christ, I beg you to read this post in it’s entirety.

valentine couple

I am a die hard Jesus girl with my number one purpose in life being to love, honor and glorify my heavenly Father in every area of my life.  In early 2013 I led a women’s Bible study where we studied the life of Ruth.  As I read the attributes of Boaz and his love and respect for Ruth, I knew I wanted those same things in my own life when it came to choosing a husband and partner for life.  On February 14th, 2013 I shared the image below on my social media outlets with the caption, “My Perfect Valentine.”   I also placed the image on my bulletin board as a daily reminder of the attributes and characteristics that were important to me in a future mate.The perfect ValentineIn Spring of 2013, I began dating a man that truly swept me off my feet.  He was everything I was looking for and by all appearances, fit the attributes on “My Perfect Valentine” list except for one…

“Godly, Look for a guy with a passion for Jesus.”

Oh the heartache and disappointment I would have avoided if I had not sacrificed this attribute.  The MOST IMPORTANT attribute for any woman looking for a husband who will love and honor her for life.  Five years later I realize, if a man (or woman) doesn’t fully understand the love of God and the unconditional and abounding love that God has for us, His children, he/she will never be able to give or receive unconditional love to anyone else, including themselves.

My strength, confidence and identity in Christ was attractive to my ex-husband in the beginning. He loved the way he felt with me, telling me time and time again how I made him want to be a better person. Unfortunately, I now understand he confused love with attention and boosting of his own ego. I was a trophy, something to be prized.  As Andy Stanley explains in his series, The New Rules for Love Sex & Dating, what my ex-husband called “love” soon became envy. While he was often unhappy and stressed out because of life’s circumstances, my happiness was consistent because it was and still is based on my relationship with God and not my circumstances. As a result, my life-partner soon became my competitor in every sense of the word.  Lack of respect for himself was mirrored onto his wife and our marriage and it became a spiraling downfall that I could not fix.

Our souls become shackled and oppressed when we live our lives striving to build relationships and gain the approval of broken people.

In September of 2016, I filed for divorce after learning my husband had not only been unfaithful but had betrayed me in the most horrendous ways imaginable.  As details began to unfold during the process of divorce, another devastating truth was revealed, I had been a victim of narcissistic abuse.

My divorce was finalized in January 2017 and although it was the most excruciating pain I have ever known, I am grateful to have experienced this season in my life.  Thankfully, the Lord has healed my brokenness and in the process strengthened my love for Him as well as my personal relationship with Him.  Because of the beauty God has brought to my life from the ashes and devastation of my dreams of “happily ever after” with my ex-husband, I have chosen to share my story publicly.

On Friday, February 16th, my story will be shared as part of a series called, For the woman who…  which is hosted by Ashley Morgan Jackson, a Christian blogger and leader in women’s ministry.  Ashley will also host a live interview with me on Instagram on Thursday, February 15th at 8:00 PM EST.  Ashley encourages women daily on Instagram to stand up as the warriors they are and to be intentional about getting in God’s word and taking back ground that the Enemy has stood on for far too long. She is currently writing her first book about her story of walking through her depression and what God taught her about receiving from Him, surrender, and being honest about her deep need for Him. Not hurrying to perfection for appearances but walking in brokenness towards perfect love.

I pray that my story brings hope to others who may be experiencing the same pain that I suffered during this trying life season.  I now know my divine purpose in life is to help women see how beautiful they really are, no matter what has happened to them in their past.  Once we realize we are fearfully and wonderfully made on the inside, our inner beauty can’t help but radiate outward to others making our world a brighter and more beautiful place.

Sending love, peace & happiness to all,

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Kelly Kirby

Artist/Writer/Blogger at SpaDelic, LLC
Hi, my name is Kelly.I am an artist, writer & Jesus girl with a passion for helping others discover and embrace the beautiful woman of God they were created to be.
Kelly Kirby
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